To Dye or not To Dye

I'm 51 years old. Just one year ago I was 50. Somewhere in that time it seems I have aged, a lot.

It's like someone pulled a plug and said that's it, time for your youth to spiral down the drain. I had some gray hair before but not so much that I appeared to be a grandmother rather than a mother of a 7 year old.

A few weeks ago I finally cut off much of my long hair, about 8 inches and brought it up to my shoulders. Now all I see is the gray. So I bought a box of hair color. It's been sitting on my bathroom counter taunting me.

I do want to have my old color back and hide some of the gray. What I don't want to do is have to maintain it. Kind of like when you first shave your legs, there's no going back. So I have to decide if I want to put one more thing on my "keep yourself up to snuff" list. Ugh!

I will confess that I let the smooth shaven legs look, go much longer between shaves than I used to. I'm not married or dating and no one else seems to care. Plus I'm can't see without my glasses on anymore to do a proper job in the shower anyway.

This whole fabulous fifties thing isn't really happening for me yet. I need to work on that.

My Cauldron Still Bubbles!

So here it is, Fall 2011. It's been a long hot summer and as far as I can tell, it's going to be a long hot winter in my house too. I was hoping my hot flashes and night sweats would start to ease up soon, but I was wrong they have come on stronger and with a vengeance!

I just started adding vitamin E to my supplements to see if that helps. I've read several reports of women finding some relief with vitamin E. If it just eases up enough so I can sleep, it will be a huge improvement.

I want so much to get excited about the holidays for my son, but between the lack of sleep and the constant daytime feeling like your going to faint dead away, it's hard to stay cheerful.

I also have been dealing with a fair amount of nausea which I was not really aware of as a symptom of menopause until I did some reading.

This is like pregnancy on steroids but you don't get a baby in nine months. Worse, it goes on for years! About five so far for me. I'm gonna just say it: Menopause sucks.

* I'll let you know if the vitamin E helps :)

Winter Hormonal Blues

So it's halfway through February and as usual for this time of year, I've been in a deep brain fog.
What's not usual however is the lack of any drive that came along with it this year.

My fiftieth birthday is fast approaching and the hormonal changes are having a dramatic effect on my desire to tackle anything. Winter is usually depressing for me (as it is for many others) but I can normally pull myself together to create something or at least keep involved with the world.

Not this winter. I have allowed the fog to fill me completely and I'm just going with it for now.
At some point, I assume I will see some light. Right now, just thinking about planning a meal or a trip to the grocery store, is mentally exhausting.

I may just hibernate until spring or until I run out of cat litter and have to go out, whichever comes first. I know I'm in Florida and we don't really have winter but still my mind knows what season it is.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I now know why so many 50 plus women cut their hair off short. Between the hot flashes and the strands falling out all over the floor, it does seem like a wise choice. I have always thought short hair look so freeing on women, like they are simplifying their lives and it's their own choice.

I think Jamie Lee Curtis looks so happy and comfortable with her look now and I wonder if it's time for my long locks to go. My hair is very thick, wavy and dark brown, speckled with an ever increasing amount of grey. It served me well in my youth and even in early motherhood. It made me feel like a young mother even though I was not.

Now however, I really have no time to keep up with it and a short cut seems so much more practical. I only wish we could all look as great as Jamie Lee, but alas I do not have her cheek bones. So I am now searching for ideas for a short cut that would work with an oval face and thick, slightly wavy hair.

It's time, the constant pony tail is getting old. The only thing that will be a drag, is having to get a regular trim to keep it up. I have not had a professional hair cut in about 15 years. I really feel like a makeover, all suggestions are welcome.

Finishing Sentences

Menopausal hormone fluctuations have turned me into a blithering idiot! I can't seem to finish a sentence without saying things like "you know what I mean right?" or "what's that word". I mean, I'm an intelligent woman who seems to have mysteriously lost the ability to communicate her thoughts.

I knew memory loss was a menopause symptom but I didn't realize that becoming incoherent was one as well. There are days where I'm almost stuttering to get my words out. There does seem to be an upside to this however, writing comes much easier now. The words and stories floating around in my head are endless. Writing is now the only way to get them out.

Since I also have almost no people skills anyway, it's best I don't try to speak. The dogs, cats and my son have always looked at me like I was crazy when I spoke, so nothing has changed there.

Perhaps when menopause has passed and I'm an old woman, my speech will return to normal and I can become the eccentric storyteller I was meant to be!

Crazy Mommy!

You know what does not help menopausal symptoms? Having your house re-sided in 90 degree heat. Listening to the hammering and the banging of wood for days on end is making me crazy!

On top of that, having my five year old son opening and closing the garage door ten times a day, to see what they are doing, is letting out the a/c and running up my electric bill.

I know it will look terrific when finished and painted, but having four strange men at my house all day, stopping me from running around in my comfy clothes, is also making me something of an ogre. I'm sure my son will agree!

I need to try and leave the house for a few hours, but they keep tripping the circuit breaker and I have to flip the switch on the box inside my house. I have no intention of leaving them alone with access to my house. So I guess I'm stuck for a while.

I may need to have a night in a "Calgon take me away " bath, but alas I have no Calgon bath beads in the house. Maybe a soak in a warm tub will still have the same effect.

Hedge Massacre

This is what happens when you let a menopausal mom loose with hedge trimmers. I had a "suddenly angry with the world " moment this week and took it out on the hedge. This was a twenty five foot long, three foot tall and four foot deep hedge!

I don't have a before photo, but this is the pile of cuttings I put out by the road. Yeah, I guess it really did need a trim anyway and I feel much better now!

I Did It Myself!

Who knew it would be empowering to fix your own toilets! I have lived in this house for twenty years and I do manage to do some of the small maintenance jobs myself. I have replace the flapper and inside parts myself but when they both started leaking from below the tank, I thought I needed a plumber. I went online to see what could be wrong (mainly just so I wouldn't get ripped off) and after reading about it, decided maybe I could do it myself.

So off I went to Lowes and bought the parts. The man in the plumbing isle was very helpful and I bought two sets of tank bolts and gaskets. He also said that if the bowl itself was wobbly then the seal underneath may be leaking.

The instructions were easy enough - turn off water, flush to drain tank, remove old bolts and replace. However, it was the remove old bolts that caused a problem. The nuts were rusted tight and after an hour fighting with them, I ended up getting the hack saw. I should have done that first, they sawed in half in a blink.

After putting both tanks back on the bowls and tightening the wing nuts (whoever invented wing nuts, I love you!), there were no leaks! I did decide to check to see if the bowls wobbled and sure enough one did. Guess what? When I checked under the little caps that cover the bolts on the base of the bowl, the ones that hold the bowl down, one side had no nut and the bolt was just wiggling in the wind.

Apparently the idiots (workmen) who installed my bathroom tile, didn't think both sides of the toilet needed to be fastened to the floor when they put my toilet back in place. I was not pleased, but as that company is long out of business, I guess they got their due rewards.

I can't tell you how good it feels to have saved a ton of money and at almost forty nine years old

(birthday coming soon) learned to do something I never thought I would need to do. Take it from me ladies, if I can do it so can you! Next up, maybe I'll try some minor kitchen renovations.

A Change of Tune

When I started this blog I decided to chronicle my journey through menopause. What I have found out is that will involve a lot of whining and negativity.
So while I still intend to write about what things I have found to help or not to help throughout the process, I have decided to make this blog more about whatever I find interesting.

That may change over time and who knows where it will end up. I just know I can't keep blogging about no sleep and hot flashes. Not to mention my bitchy attitude. I'm still a women approaching fifty and I have noticed that what I find amusing or what pisses me off, changes from day to day.
At the very least, this blog will be more interesting to more people. Here's to changes of all kinds!

Sundown and Anxiety

Photo Credit:US Fish and Wildlife Service

The approaching evening use to be a time of peace and relaxation for me. After a busy day of rounds or vet work, I looked forward to evening and a quiet meal. That seems to have changed in the last year. I'm not sure if it's because my son is growing so fast or the fact that I am aging at almost the same rate.

Sundown now brings with it a sense of dread that I did not do enough to make the day worthwhile. That another one of the few days I have left, has been wasted. Did I spend enough "quality" time with my son? Did I commit it to memory? Did I move toward my goals?

I swear sometimes it feels as if I'm having an anxiety attack.

Is this new feeling of "not having accomplished enough" an approaching menopause phenomenon? Or is it just a mother watching time laugh in her face?

Since getting a good night's sleep also seems to be a pointless goal as I approach fifty, bedtime is not exactly a welcome time either. Sadness in the morning, anxiety at night, I'm in hormonal hell. My mortality is not a pretty sight!

Morning Mood

I don't know if this is a seasonal thing or just my hormones gone awry but I am so emotional in the mornings lately. From the time I wake up until after lunch sometimes, I can hardly control the sadness. I'm sure it must have something to do with hormone blood levels.

I have read that cortisol levels are highest in the mornings and this can cause anxiety. Perhaps that is what I'm feeling, more anxiety than sadness. It's like a fog has to lift before I can participate in life again. I do know that if I get outside early and do something in the garden, I feel better sooner.

I'm still using the progesterone cream and I notice on the five days a month I don't use it (per package instructions) the feelings are worse. I really want to try and control this without medication, so it's time for some more research. I know one thing that's probably not helping... that extra cup of coffee I'm having in the afternoon. It's been disrupting my sleep and may be causing some of the morning moodiness.

Progesterone Update

Photo credit: www.megzytred.etsy.com

Ok, I know it's only been 4 weeks, but I think the progesterone cream I told you about is helping!

I am definitely sleeping better and I'm calmer throughout the day. My skin seems to be breaking out less this month as well.

Oh and another thing, that "dryness" issue that brings loss of libido with it, is better too.
So I think I will continue to use it and of course update you with my results.

Trying Progesterone Cream

As my menopausal symptoms are worsening, I have decided to try an over the counter natural progesterone cream. After some research and a trip to the health food store, I purchased Life-flo Progesta-Care Plus. I picked Life-flo mainly because of the applicator.

It comes in a pump bottle that automatically dispenses a measured dose, so no guessing is required. The cream is rubbed into the skin and leaves no residue. It was priced at $29.90 in my store and it's a 4oz bottle. Not sure how long the bottle will last, my guess is about a month.

I have been using it once a day for a week now, so no real results yet. I may be a bit calmer, but who knows if it's the cream or not. I will try it for a couple of months and let you know if it helps with any of my many menopausal ( you ladies all know what they are) symptoms.
*This is not a paid post.

Melatonin and The Shrew

Last week Science Daily published an article about the benefits of the hormone melatonin on aging. A laboratory in France has been studying the effects on the Greater White-toothed shrew, a small nocturnal insectivorous mammal.

I know they probably chose the shrew because of it's nocturnal behavior, but I couldn't help getting a giggle thinking that lately my "menopausal shrew" could use some taming.

Melatonin is naturally secreted by the body during the night and is responsible for helping maintain normal sleep patterns. As we age, our bodies produce less melatonin and therefore inadequate sleep can become a problem. This study found that by supplementing the shrew at the onset of maturity, the loss of circadian rhythm was delayed. According to the the study:

Melatonin is now known to play several beneficial roles. These include being an antioxidant, an anti-depressant, and helping to remediate sleep problems. The next step will be to understand the mode of action of the hormone on aging, so we can perhaps envisage its use on humans.

I have been using melatonin to help me sleep for some time and other than some strange dreams (not sure if this is just me or what?), I am pleased with the results. The nights I forget to take it, I wake up more and find it harder to fall back to sleep. So far I will attest that getting a better night's sleep does improve this shrews attitude during the day!

Ice Cream After Dark

I have always loved ice cream but at the moment I seem to need it. Right now there are no less than three, half gallon containers in my freezer. In the dark of night, after waking in a sweat for the second or third time, I head to the kitchen. It doesn't matter which flavor I grab as long as it's cold.

There is no need for a bowl any longer or a chair to sit down for that matter. Standing in kitchen, with a night light to guide me, I eat straight from the box until my soul has been cooled and calmed.

This has not helped my waistline at all, but for now I don't care. It's my secret garden, my hidden treasure, my will to go on.

*Note to self: never, ever run out of ice cream!

The Bed Fan

Have you seen this? While I admit it sounds like a good idea, I wonder if having a sheet billowing up and down all night would bother me? I bet it would bother the cats, They would think the bed is possessed.

It would probably send the cats running for the hills. It may be worth it just for that alone! I mean if I didn't have them in the bed, I would already be much cooler, right?

The Bed Fan is designed to blow cool air between the sheets, cooling you at night. The company is marketing it for menopause, illness or just folks who want to save on a/c costs but can't sleep in a warm room. The more I think about it, the more I really like this idea! They have a demo video on their site, check it out and let me know what you think.

* This is not a paid post, just sharing information :)

Smoothie Therapy

We don't have Jack-in-the-Box restaurants in our area, so I had not seen this ad until I saw it online. If you want to watch it click on the "commercials " tab at their web site and it's the first one. The company is using the stereotype of a menopausal woman to promote their new smoothie. It appears some people find it insulting to women.

I don't know about you but I'll jump at any chance to laugh at myself right now! It's a very short and to the point commercial and there is nothing subtle about their intent. The wardrobe worn by the woman has a distinct retro feel and I'm not sure if that was intentional or not. Personally, I think the "Jack" character is scarier than the menopausal woman. I only wish I looked that good in the garden!

Of Baggage and Bones

So it begins. Call it phase two, change of life or

a turning point, I am there.

My body appears to heading down menopause road.

From what I can tell so far, it's going to be quite a journey.

I turned forty eight this year and I feel as if my entire being is transforming.

My thoughts, priorities and dreams bear no resemblance to those of my youth.

My body is settling and hardening.

Will I be trapped by my baggage and bones?

I think not.