Winter Hormonal Blues

So it's halfway through February and as usual for this time of year, I've been in a deep brain fog.
What's not usual however is the lack of any drive that came along with it this year.

My fiftieth birthday is fast approaching and the hormonal changes are having a dramatic effect on my desire to tackle anything. Winter is usually depressing for me (as it is for many others) but I can normally pull myself together to create something or at least keep involved with the world.

Not this winter. I have allowed the fog to fill me completely and I'm just going with it for now.
At some point, I assume I will see some light. Right now, just thinking about planning a meal or a trip to the grocery store, is mentally exhausting.

I may just hibernate until spring or until I run out of cat litter and have to go out, whichever comes first. I know I'm in Florida and we don't really have winter but still my mind knows what season it is.

Crazy Mommy!

You know what does not help menopausal symptoms? Having your house re-sided in 90 degree heat. Listening to the hammering and the banging of wood for days on end is making me crazy!

On top of that, having my five year old son opening and closing the garage door ten times a day, to see what they are doing, is letting out the a/c and running up my electric bill.

I know it will look terrific when finished and painted, but having four strange men at my house all day, stopping me from running around in my comfy clothes, is also making me something of an ogre. I'm sure my son will agree!

I need to try and leave the house for a few hours, but they keep tripping the circuit breaker and I have to flip the switch on the box inside my house. I have no intention of leaving them alone with access to my house. So I guess I'm stuck for a while.

I may need to have a night in a "Calgon take me away " bath, but alas I have no Calgon bath beads in the house. Maybe a soak in a warm tub will still have the same effect.

I Did It Myself!

Who knew it would be empowering to fix your own toilets! I have lived in this house for twenty years and I do manage to do some of the small maintenance jobs myself. I have replace the flapper and inside parts myself but when they both started leaking from below the tank, I thought I needed a plumber. I went online to see what could be wrong (mainly just so I wouldn't get ripped off) and after reading about it, decided maybe I could do it myself.

So off I went to Lowes and bought the parts. The man in the plumbing isle was very helpful and I bought two sets of tank bolts and gaskets. He also said that if the bowl itself was wobbly then the seal underneath may be leaking.

The instructions were easy enough - turn off water, flush to drain tank, remove old bolts and replace. However, it was the remove old bolts that caused a problem. The nuts were rusted tight and after an hour fighting with them, I ended up getting the hack saw. I should have done that first, they sawed in half in a blink.

After putting both tanks back on the bowls and tightening the wing nuts (whoever invented wing nuts, I love you!), there were no leaks! I did decide to check to see if the bowls wobbled and sure enough one did. Guess what? When I checked under the little caps that cover the bolts on the base of the bowl, the ones that hold the bowl down, one side had no nut and the bolt was just wiggling in the wind.

Apparently the idiots (workmen) who installed my bathroom tile, didn't think both sides of the toilet needed to be fastened to the floor when they put my toilet back in place. I was not pleased, but as that company is long out of business, I guess they got their due rewards.

I can't tell you how good it feels to have saved a ton of money and at almost forty nine years old

(birthday coming soon) learned to do something I never thought I would need to do. Take it from me ladies, if I can do it so can you! Next up, maybe I'll try some minor kitchen renovations.

Sundown and Anxiety

Photo Credit:US Fish and Wildlife Service

The approaching evening use to be a time of peace and relaxation for me. After a busy day of rounds or vet work, I looked forward to evening and a quiet meal. That seems to have changed in the last year. I'm not sure if it's because my son is growing so fast or the fact that I am aging at almost the same rate.

Sundown now brings with it a sense of dread that I did not do enough to make the day worthwhile. That another one of the few days I have left, has been wasted. Did I spend enough "quality" time with my son? Did I commit it to memory? Did I move toward my goals?

I swear sometimes it feels as if I'm having an anxiety attack.

Is this new feeling of "not having accomplished enough" an approaching menopause phenomenon? Or is it just a mother watching time laugh in her face?

Since getting a good night's sleep also seems to be a pointless goal as I approach fifty, bedtime is not exactly a welcome time either. Sadness in the morning, anxiety at night, I'm in hormonal hell. My mortality is not a pretty sight!

Promtacular!

I came across a website this week that just made me laugh out loud until I was crying. Since I hardly ever do that anymore, I thought I'd share. You must go and check out Promtacular.

It's a collection of prom photo's over the decades sent in from the photo owners. I have always known that laughing at ourselves can be very cathartic and boy did this site accomplish that!

I never went to my own prom, but now I know what I was missing, lol. Really, need a chuckle? Then go check it out.

Mommy's Punching Bag

This is the best Christmas giftthat I ever stole from my son! I bought it for him this year so he would have something to beat up, instead of me or the furniture. He also uses it when he gets angry to work out his frustrations and calm down.

However, I have discovered that giving it a few whacks is a great way for me to de-stress too.
Plus my son thinks it's very funny to see mommy punching and mumbling under her breath. In no time at all, we are both laughing and feeling a lot better.

Best of all, so far no one has popped it. Not even the cats. It's probably only a matter of time though, so I will keep it out of their reach. I may have to eventually invest in a real one for us both.

I didn't get gloves to use with it and I don't think I will. Punching it bare fisted seems more satisfying to me. I think I should give it a name. So, does anyone have any good name ideas?

Happy Thanksgiving!

With a little rhapsody, just because it makes me happy!

If You Can't Beat Them, Join Them

Over the years, I would wait until two weeks before any holiday to put up decorations or begin the seasonal celebrations. I figured two weeks was plenty of time to get in the mood and get things done. Then I had my son and a strange thing happened. Two weeks was not enough time to enjoy the season. In fact, there was not ever enough time.

As the holiday approached I would get more depressed and anxious that it would be over too soon. His second Christmas, his third Halloween, it's here and gone. Never to be back again. So I began to procrastinate. I didn't think about the approaching holiday at all. I tried to ignore it, as if I could stop it from coming. Then time could stand still and my baby would always be with me. Of course then it would three days until... and panic would set in.

This was not working either. I can not stop time, I can not even slow it down! What I decided this year was to throw myself into it as early as possible. Maybe those folks who put up their decorations early knew something that I didn't. Perhaps when you have a child you need all the time you can get to submerse yourself in the season and make as many memories as you can.

So this year, the candles are out, the Jack-o-Lantern is on the porch and we are going to an October Fest today. If you can't beat them, I say join them!

Make many, many memories, because that really is all that's left you.

Progesterone Update

Photo credit: www.megzytred.etsy.com

Ok, I know it's only been 4 weeks, but I think the progesterone cream I told you about is helping!

I am definitely sleeping better and I'm calmer throughout the day. My skin seems to be breaking out less this month as well.

Oh and another thing, that "dryness" issue that brings loss of libido with it, is better too.
So I think I will continue to use it and of course update you with my results.

Escaping, Just for a Moment

Do you ever have crazy thoughts run through your head, while your watching a crime drama?
You know, the cool car, cool toys and think

"I could do that".

Yeah, I’ll become a detective, or a crime fighter.

Why not? What’s stopping me?

Then you stop eating your tortilla chips and look around. Your eighteen year old cat just threw up a hairball in the corner of the room. Mr. Potato Head stares at you from the coffee table and you remember.
You remember you’re a 48 year old mother of a 4 year old with a pet sitting business. So, probably not cool enough.

But for a brief moment, the TV did what it’s supposed to do. Provide a temporary escape from the mundane everyday world around you.

So to "Burn Notice", "Leverage", "In Plain Sight" and others, thank you. Thank you for that moment.

A Confession and a New Plan

Ok, so my old plan to start getting more exercise has not been working out. Not at all! I bought the yoga mat and the new Training Shoe, but life just kept handing me other things to do. Not to mention on the days I did have the time, I never took off my bedroom slippers or put on anything that was remotely publicly acceptable.

So my new plan is to get out of my slippers first thing every morning and put on my workout shoes. That way I will be ready to fit it a walk or workout any time I get a minute and I won't have the excuse of having to get ready first. I know if I can stall for more than a minute, I will talk myself out of anything. Plus for me, I instantly have more energy if I look the part. Sometimes you have to trick your own mind into working for you.

Melatonin and The Shrew

Last week Science Daily published an article about the benefits of the hormone melatonin on aging. A laboratory in France has been studying the effects on the Greater White-toothed shrew, a small nocturnal insectivorous mammal.

I know they probably chose the shrew because of it's nocturnal behavior, but I couldn't help getting a giggle thinking that lately my "menopausal shrew" could use some taming.

Melatonin is naturally secreted by the body during the night and is responsible for helping maintain normal sleep patterns. As we age, our bodies produce less melatonin and therefore inadequate sleep can become a problem. This study found that by supplementing the shrew at the onset of maturity, the loss of circadian rhythm was delayed. According to the the study:

Melatonin is now known to play several beneficial roles. These include being an antioxidant, an anti-depressant, and helping to remediate sleep problems. The next step will be to understand the mode of action of the hormone on aging, so we can perhaps envisage its use on humans.

I have been using melatonin to help me sleep for some time and other than some strange dreams (not sure if this is just me or what?), I am pleased with the results. The nights I forget to take it, I wake up more and find it harder to fall back to sleep. So far I will attest that getting a better night's sleep does improve this shrews attitude during the day!

Ice Cream After Dark

I have always loved ice cream but at the moment I seem to need it. Right now there are no less than three, half gallon containers in my freezer. In the dark of night, after waking in a sweat for the second or third time, I head to the kitchen. It doesn't matter which flavor I grab as long as it's cold.

There is no need for a bowl any longer or a chair to sit down for that matter. Standing in kitchen, with a night light to guide me, I eat straight from the box until my soul has been cooled and calmed.

This has not helped my waistline at all, but for now I don't care. It's my secret garden, my hidden treasure, my will to go on.

*Note to self: never, ever run out of ice cream!

Does Misery Love Company?

How many times a day does someone ask you how you are? It's a simple question, at the teller window, at the office, maybe your mother asks. Yet, do they really want to know? Even if they do, why do I always lie?

No matter what's going on in my life, I feel compelled to say "fine" or " great". Inside however, I'm screaming... today sucks! I haven't eaten, my son had three melt downs before noon, my car isn't running right and my dog is dying.

Now I know, no one really wants to hear that and I'm probably just a tad overwrought at the moment, but boy would I really like to answer that question without thinking first. Of course, I won't because I can never know what the other person is screaming inside. Then again, they say misery loves company, so maybe if I did answer truthfully, we could all just have a good cry.